When you are raising a teenager, it is natural to feel that there is little you can do to change his or her behavior. And when you search for help, you often receive conflicting results. However, there is scientific evidence showing which parenting tips are most effective, and which are not. Here are 6 research-proven tips for raising a drug and alcohol-free teen. 

1. Build a warm and supportive relationship with your child 

Children who have a warm and supportive relationship with their parents are less likely to use drugs or alcohol. Parents close to their child will face less conflict when it comes to monitoring his or her behavior and social life. 

Studies show that families who argue, fight and treat each other badly, and parents who are degrading have unsupportive relationships with their children, which increases the child's risk for drug and alcohol use.  

How do you maintain a close relationship?

• Regularly discuss shared interests. Take time to learn about your child's hobbies to help bond with him/her. 

• Engage in extracurricular activities with your child like cooking dinner or training for a race. 

• Maintain low levels of anger and emotion when talking with your teen. Try to keep a cool head and not yell or be defensive. 

• Work through problems at school or problems with friends together. Listen to your child tell you what is bothering him/her and help your child think of ways to fix these problems.

 

• Strive for honest and direct communication with your child. Leave no topic off limits. 

• Offer encouragement for achievements. Go to your child's games or plays or whatever else they are involved in to show your support. If you don't go, you could be sending the message to your child that he/she is not important.

 

• Allow your child an appropriate degree of independence. Keeping your child sheltered or being a helicopter parent can have problems of its own. Discuss with him/her the settings that you think are appropriate (public places, chaperoned, etc.) and let your child go with places with friends. 

2. Be a good role model when it comes to drinking, taking medicine and handling stress 

Research shows that when it comes to alcohol and other drugs, children are likely to model their parents' behaviors--both healthy and unhealthy. Your attitudes and behaviors will influence them, so here are three ways you can be a good role model. 

• If you choose to drink alcohol, consumer amounts with a meal or for a celebratory occasion. Never become intoxicated in front of your child.

• Follow the instructions for prescription drugs. Never take more than the recommended amount, and do not use leftover prescriptions. Also, don't share prescription medication with other friends or family members, and don't mix them with alcohol. Prescription drug abuse is a growing trend among older teens and college students that can be deadly. Prescription drugs are still drugs and need to be used carefully. 

• Children learn behavior by observing their parents' behavior. That means your child picks up on the way you cope with stressful situations and how you manage your emotions. When you are overwhelmed try positive things like exercising or being creative in some way. Don't turn to drugs or alcohol as a way to relax. It sends the message to your child that this behavior is okay. 

3. Know your child's risk level 

Decades of research shows that some teens have a higher risk of developing substance abuse problems than others due to both genetic and environmental factors. 

Many people believe that a child's home environment is the only thing that influences whether a teen will begin taking drugs or not; however, even children raised in the same home can have different levels of risk. 

Research has shown that four major factors determine a child's risk. 

• Family history:  A family history of drug or alcohol abuse, especially if its a parent, can place a child at increased risk for a problem. Children can inherit genes that increase their risk of alcoholism, so having a parent or grandparent with alcohol problems can indicate an increased risk for the child. But,  this gene does not mean the child will develop alcoholism. You should be honest about this information and let your child know. These conversations should take place when your child is old enough to understand what inheriting the gene can mean. 

  

• Mental or behavioral disorder: If your child has a psychiatric condition like depression, anxiety or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), he or she is more at risk for developing substance abuse problems. Children with these disorders have difficulty regulating their emotions and thoughts, and that puts them at higher risk. It is good to talk to your health care provider about ways to manage these conditions. Also, monitor the medicines given to your child by his or her doctor. Explain to them that the medicines can be very harmful if taken by  someone who they are not prescribed to, and make sure your child understands the dangers of mixing prescription drugs with other drugs or alcohol. 

• Trauma: Children with a history of traumatic events (car crashes, natural disasters, abuse, etc.) have been shown to be more at risk for substance use problems later in life. Therefore, it is important for parents to recognize and address the impossible impact of trauma on their child and get help if needed. 

• Impulse control problems: Children who frequently take risks or have difficulty controlling impulses are more at risk for substance use problems. While most teens understand the dangers of taking risks, some have particular difficulty resisting impulswes to engage in risky behavior. 

4. Know your child's friends 

You, as the parent, set the foundation for your child's interaction with his friends. As your child ages, friends play a greater role in the choices your child makes. You want to know your child's friends so that you know who is influencing her. Besides asking your teen questions about his friends, here are some ways to know his friends: 

• Have direct conversations with your child's friends whenever the opportunity presents itself. Often, its easier to have conversations like these in a car on the way home from school or to a sporting event. Offer to drive members of the team or let your child have a sleepover at your place. Knowing your child's friends will help if a problem arises later. 

• Direct your child away from teens using in substance abuse. Remind them that most teens do not use drugs or alcohol and let him/her know that it is their choice who they choose to interact with. If you have a problem with a certain friend, make that known to your child and tell him/her why. If necessary, help your child connect with a wider social circle and encourage new friends.

• Discuss the differences between good friends and bad friends. Let your teen know that good friends are there for him/her, won't talk badly about him/her or to him/her, and will accept him/her for who he/she is. Good friends celebrate successes. 
  

• Share information about your own friends. Describe your relationship with them, why you choose that person as your friend. Tell your teen about the positive things you and your friends do for each other. Also talk about how you resolve differences with your friends.  

• Encourage your child to step in when a friend might be having an issue with drugs or alcohol. Your teen can be a powerful influence on his or her friends. Not only will it help his or her friends, but it will protect your child from being drawn in by the wrong crowd and also set him or her apart as an independent thinker. 

• Check with other parents to find out if their household rules are similar to yours. Many parents allow their teen to drink in their home. If this is the case, explain to the parent that you do not allow your teen to drink alcohol. You can also make sure that most of the time spent with your child and his/her friends occurs at your house. 

5. Monitor, supervise and set boundaries  

Research shows that when parents monitor, supervise and set boundaries their teens are at a lowered risk for using drugs and alcohol. 

Monitor your child

• Know where your child is at all times
• Be aware of your teen's activities, especially during the after-school period, which is a high-risk period for teen drug use.
• Know who your child is hanging out with.
• Keep track of your child's academic performance. Studies have shown that problems in school are a possible marker for alcohol and drug problems, and that school involvement and academic achievement can protect against drug and alcohol use. 

Supervise your child

• Be present during recreational events and parties--or at least make your teen aware that there is another adult supervising.
• Help your child with her homework or other school-related projects. This will not only give you quality time with him or her and reinforce the importance of achievement, but also it will help you recognize any difficulties he or she may be having with school or other activities. 
• Be careful not to let your "presence" impinge on your child's need to develop a sense of independence, especially as your child grows older and needs to develop socialization skills. For example, simply being home when an older teen has friends over and periodically checking in or starting conversations with your child and his or her friends is better than constantly interruption their time together. 

Set Boundaries

• Explain why you are setting boundaries. (I'm doing this to keep you healthy and safe.)
• Firmly establish a rule that any drug or alcohol use will not be tolerated. Set a rule prohibiting underage alcohol consumption before age 21. Explain the risks of drinking while his or her brain is still developing. While teens will often discount that risks will actually happen to them, helping your children become future-oriented thinkers is an important lesson. You may have to try a number of different strategies or ideas before one sticks. 
• Set firm but reasonable rules. (Setting a curfew, expecting to be notified if plans change, etc.
• Be clear about the consequences if the rules are not followed in advance and follow through consistently. 
• Be sure not to establish unreasonable rues or be overly harsh in punishment or consequences if they break rules. This might push your child away and prevent him or her from opening up to you. 

6. Have ongoing conversations and provide information about drugs and alcohol  

Having ongoing conversations with your child can help build a healthy, supportive relationship. It can also help avoid or reduce conflict as situations arise throughout your child's teen years. Here are some tips for making these conversations a regular part of the dialogue with your child. 

• Talk regularly with your child about the risks of drug and alcohol use, especially in opportunistic situations like a news story or a local event.

• State your disapproval of underage drinking and drug use. Research shows that this can decrease the chance that your child will try drugs or alcohol, and reduce the likelihood that he or she will transition from experimenting with drugs and alcohol to more regular or heavy use. 

• Instead of a boring lecture, let  your child know about the health and safety risks of teen drug and alcohol use. Teens who perceive alcohol and drugs as harmful are less likely to engage in underage drinking.  Do this by being brief, and letting your child speak. 

• Be positive. You want to stay upbeat and let your child know when they have done a good job.

If you are uncomfortable talking to your teen about these things ask them something like "Have you ever been offered drugs or alcohol?"  By asking this way, your teen is more likely to open up than if asked about his or her own personal use, and this can lead to the conversation you want to have. 

For more information visit The Partnership at drugfree.com.